“I often note, ‘I’m going to circle back’ — I hate to disappoint conservative Twitter, but I’m going to circle back on a number of things.”
— White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki, 2/1/21

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PSAKI: (points) Yes?

CNN: Last week, you said you were going to circle back to us on the specifics of the new Administration invoking the Defense Production Act. And you did. Is that the way you intend to conduct business?

PSAKI: Yes.

CNN: To get back to us when you say you’re going to?

PSAKI: Hopefully.

CNN: Don’t you mean “ideally?”

PSAKI: Yes.

CNN: Interesting…

PSAKI: (points) Yes?

DES MOINES REGISTER: We’ve heard two figures for the proposed COVID relief package. We’ve heard $1.9 trillion and $1.5 trillion. What is not included in the lesser bill?

[PSAKI begins to thumb through binder at podium.]

DES MOINES REGISTER: Why are you so co-dependent that you have to look it up right now?

PSAKI: I only see the one figure. $1.9 trillion.

DES MOINES REGISTER (sideways in seat, mask over ear, waving): Fine.

PSAKI: Go ahead.

AP: Dr. Fauci has said on more than one occasion there was a good chance that things might get worse with the pandemic before they get better.

PSAKI: Yes.

AP: Final answer?

PSAKI: No. He’s just reporting the current science.

AP: Phone a friend?

PSAKI: No.

AP: So, C: “Worse before better.”

PSAKI: (points) Yes?

NBC NEWS: Is the Biden administration’s plan to vaccinate 100 million people in the first 100 days ambitious enough?

PSAKI: Two things. Last week, President Biden upped that number to 150 million. The transition team came up with the figure 100 million before there was a vaccine. And at the time it was called a “bold goal.” The point is, we’re not going to stop when we hit 150 million. We’re not wasting any time with COVID response.

NBC NEWS: And I am?

PSAKI: I didn’t say that. Um, let me see… where was I?

VOICE IN BACK: Excuse me? Do I hear vaccine hesitancy?

PSAKI: No, I was pausing. But thanks for stopping by, Mr. Sheen… (points) Yes?

NEWSMAX: Did you mention something about fining the Lincoln Memorial $5000 because Abe refuses to wear a mask on federal grounds?

PSAKI: No.

NEWSMAX: Well, somebody did.

PSAKI: Was it you just now?

NEWSMAX: Could be…

PSAKI: Who knows? Go ahead.

GANNETT: Will you be quoting lyrics from My Fair Lady on a daily basis?

PSAKI: That was from West Side Story, but no.

GANNETT: You have all the answers, don’t you?

PSAKI: I’ll circle back if there’s more I can share with you. (points) Yes.

QANON DIGEST: What did you have for lunch?

PSAKI: Umm, salad?

QANON DIGEST: Lettuce?

PSAKI: Yes.

QANON DIGEST: Baby lettuce?

PSAKI: No, I believe it was spinach.

QANON DIGEST: Baby spinach?

PSAKI: Let me circle back to you.

QANON DIGEST: You just did.

PSAKI: (points) Yes?

FOX NEWS: Did you have something to say?

PSAKI: No.

FOX NEWS: Yeah. I didn’t think so.

PSAKI: (points) Yes?

TELEMUNDO: Bon Jovi?

PSAKI: Yes?

TELEMUNDO: I mean, Bon Jovi?

PSAKI: Yes?

TELEMUNDO: 2021. And we get Bon Jovi?

PSAKI: Yes.

TELEMUNDO: Seriously?

PSAKI: Yes.

TELEMUNDO: Exactly.

PSAKI: Go ahead.

OANN: Can you categorically deny that Mr. Biden used an earpiece at the Inauguration?

PSAKI: Yes.

OANN: What about empirically deny?

PSAKI: Yes

OANN: Well, which is it?

PSAKI: (points) Yes?

RADIO FREE MUNCIE: You mentioned four crises the President is focusing on: Getting the pandemic under control; Getting people back to work; Climate change; and Infrastructure.

PSAKI: Racial equity was the fourth. The pandemic, unemployment, climate change, racial equity.

RADIO FREE MUNCIE: I’m sorry, what?

PSAKI: Racial equity.

RADIO FREE MUNCIE: And how long were you planning to keep that from us?

PSAKI: Go ahead.

USA TODAYy: What time is it?

PSAKI: 3:47.

USA TODAY: Hey, is that a Rolex?

PSAKI: No.

USA TODAY: Can we get a confirmation?

PSAKI: Times?

NY TIMES: Not a Rolex. Circle back gets the square…

PSAKI: (points) Yes.

WALL ST, JOURNAL: Have you had a chance to speak with President Biden about the Senate delaying the start of the impeachment trial until February 8?

PSAKI: That is the decision of the Senate. In the meantime, the President is eager to get his cabinet appointments confirmed and moving forward with a bi-partisan COVID relief package.

WALL STREET JOURNAL: Meeee-owww…

PSAKI: Go ahead.

THE DAILY KAREN: Where’s my $2000 check?

PSAKI: That is part of the President’s proposed COVID relief package. There will be engagement, there will be discussions, and then it’s up to Congress.

DAILY KAREN: Do you have my check?

PSAKI: No.

DAILY KAREN: I think you do.

PSAKI: No, I don’t.

DAILY KAREN: Can I speak with the manager?

PSAKI: There’s no manager.

DAILY KAREN: I’ll wait….

PSAKI: Let’s do one more.

VOGUE: January 22, you said. “President Biden has not spent one moment thinking about the color scheme of Air Force One.”

PSAKI: That’s correct.

VOGUE: And yet you think YOU chose that top you’re wearing….

PSAKI: I’m sorry….

VOGUE: Too late.

PSAKI: Okay, let’s do this again tomorrow….